Jul 1, 2013

MY INNER "FIERCE" :)))

I just discovered this morning that there actually are people who get all worked up just because they discover that there were no more shampoo sachets in the drawer! Really!!??? But anyway, mize hrang2 kan nei a. Not judging but merely observing with bemusement the verbal abuse and criticism one is capable of hurling at the other person because THERE WERE NO MORE SHAMPOO SACHETS IN THE DRAWER....
^
my bemused  silently laughing self.



^
supposedly this smiley represents the annoyed me.
 
Not saying I've got the perfect temperament or anything.. just that I try to avoid unnecessarily getting all worked up. Of course i get annoyed (FREQUENTLY) with certain things and people, I  grumble & scold a lot but i make sure to check it does not go beyond that. Yep I follow the breathe in and out count to ten policy. The main reason being  if/when i do lose my temper (which i can proudly say hardly happens), i turn into someone i don't know. That someone I don't know turns into someone I can't control. That person I can't control I seriously don't like. And now i'm boring myself....almost to death i'm sure....


    So yes, i guess this whole keeping my temper in check is more about doing myself a favor rather than being worried about the effect it would have on others around me. Yes I am just that selfish..,, so sue me. Lol

                                                                    
The song from this link above is on my playlist again these days so the mood is pretty much influenced by this.. well probably not as depressing and intense as this but it pretty much covers it.

Jun 17, 2013

Blessings, Peace, Protection, Healing, Faith, Love. LORD JESUS :)

"....when darkness seems to win, we know that pain reminds this heart that this is not our home.

  What if Your blessings come through raindrops, what it Your healing comes through tears,what if a thousand sleepless nights are all it takes to know You're near.

  What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life is a revealing of a greater love this world can't satisfy. What if trials of this life, the rain, the storms, the hardest nights are your mercies in disguise."

From the song "Blessings" sung by  Laura Story.

Heals me every time!! :)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQan9L3yXjc

Jun 9, 2013

A LITTLE SUNDAY POST :)

Well well well.... turns out I am still in Aizawl, my Delhi flight got cancelled because of really2 bad weather. Funny thing is keimah ni flight chiah kha an cancel a, kan hma & hnung a flight ho thlawh chhuah hun kha chuan khua kha thra vur bik loisia. Obviously being the spiritual fool that I have become i took it as a sign from up above that it was'nt time to leave yet hahaa!! Dad & I decided not to reschedule but instead postpone the trip by a few months. Why? Because I can :-D wahahahahaha

I turn 28 this year (of course I feel old hahaaa!!) and I'm still trying to figure out my life and what I really want out of it. Of course I do the whole "I pray and leave it to God" stuff but I am human after all so at times I get a bit restless and that leaves me to wonder about a lot of things like figuring out my life & what I really want to do with it! :0) But at the end of the day I'm okay and I'm happy.. I know this sounds kind of silly at times but I know everything is going to be okay in the end because I have Jesus.

I've never been a religious lunatic.. I don't even believe in religion. I believe in living  a good life, having fun, doing what makes you happy and loving to the fullest. But I am a spiritual person, my hope makes me glad because I never stop praying. Once upon a time I had lost my way because i went through a very painful time in my life. But now I've come to understand that that was God's way of showing me He had always been there to hold me up and watch over me even during the darkest time of my life. When I look back i understand how I let my pain control me to turn away from Him.

This is the song that rescued me and just like that I snapped out of it & I started to heal bit by bit. So today being a Sunday and all, I just thought I should share the song on my little web space out here. :)

May 21, 2013

BUZZ KILL!!

I'M GOING TO DELHI... WOOOHOOOOOO!! MY 2nd HOME I'VE MISSED YOU QUITE A BIT :) catching up with all my buddies, hanging out at my fav' spots :) looking forward to all that minus the heat of course... OH MY GOD the summer scorching heat  (-_-)  it is going to be one hot hell of a city.. what a mood killer... grrrrrrr

May 6, 2013

REDDDDDDDDDD

Gawwwd this awful awful cold is just ruining evvverything!! My throat feels like somebody just scratched it repeatedly with razors, and the other night i barely slept a wink 'cos i kept coughing. Its like that feeling when you're trying so hard to hold your cough in but then it feels like little creatures are running up and down your throat until finally you break out into a huge boom of continuous coughs... grrrrrrr #@$%^*@@#

So my most prized armor these days is my cough syrup... sad is'nt it?? Haha! :-D Anyway, even after rhino doses i still wake up coughing!! At least its getting better now, so i better stop whining before i turn into a drama queen (and i ABHOR drama queens) :O). Mostly i'm in bed all day with my trusty laptop & cell phone right by my side so that i don't lose touch with the world of course. ;) oh how i'm gonna paint the town RED as soon as i get well.. oh so REDDDDDDD!!!! 

Sep 13, 2011

Home - family, catchin up with old friends, good times, good food but the emptiness always finds its way back.. 



What has my life come to!!?? Whatever i do i lose interest quickly.... nothing i do seems to make me happy lately. I haven’t updated my blog in a long, long time, i don’t even feel like talking to my friends!! Not even on the phone :-/ Don’t get me wrong though. I do miss them a lot but that part of me who misses them usually loses out to the part of me that says, “F*** it! you’ll get back to the same old feeling after it’s done.” Cuz’ i just feel like no one gets this emptiness in me. So what gives?? Hmmmmm... on the brink of depression maybe??? I sure hope not. :-O 

I’m at home kind of a permanent arrangement at the moment at least for some months hopefully. It’s the longest i’ve been home in ten years! At least it feels like that. I finally have a sense of groundedness (if that’s even a word but it makes sense to me!) as compared to when i was living in and out of my suitcase. This is what i wanted isn’t it? It’s because i wanted to stay at home that i decided not to give my PHD entrance interview isn’t it? It was so crystal clear to me then... stay at home, help my big sis’ in managing the household, be with my baby sister and most importantly, in the hope of healing the wound i’ve been carrying around for three years. 
Life is fun here... meeting up with family, old friends, getting to know my home and my family all over again, evaluating myself, good food :) yup my Dad can be a real nag sometimes and annoys the hell out of me but i know he only has our best interest at heart. It’s all good but the emptiness inside is what i just don’t get! The laughter in me somehow fails to reach my heart. I thought maybe jotting down all of this disfunctionality in me on my blog would maybe provide some sort of therapy for this broken down rusty ol’ engine to run okay again. “okay” is all i can manage for now...sigh :(